It's been a few months since I have sat down to write a blog, and as the time stretched by it became harder and harder to sit down and start writing. When I was consistently writing, it was a part of my routine and it was easy to work it in. When I missed a few weeks, it seems less important to write in any given week, and it is really easy to skip... especially when you have a little puppy distracting you at home (he is literally chewing on my pant leg right now...)
Even though I always enjoy writing, it is difficult for me to motivate myself to start. I know that I will be happy that I took the time to blog, but I still put it off and give myself excuses not to write. It's maddening for me, because I know logically that I should just sit down and write, but my mind can rationalize any number of excuses for why this particular time is not "the right time," and how "I can always just do it tomorrow," or "nobody is really checking up on you, anyway, so what's the point?"
It's the same for me with working out or playing music. When I get home after dealing with middle schoolers all day, it's hard for me to muster the energy to go for a run. I just want to sit on the couch, eat food, and veg out with Cyd and the rest of the furry family. I feel like I don't have the energy to go run or work out, but whenever I do work out it leaves me energized rather than exhausted. It gives me new energy for the next day, and I'm more likely to keep working out.
Working out, writing blogs, and playing music are all examples of the same basic feedback loop in my life. When I work out, I feel energized, so I'm more likely to work out, so I feel more energized. When I write, I gather my thoughts, which helps me realize how I thought and felt about things in my life, which provokes new thoughts, which makes me more likely to write. When I play music I discover new songs and sounds which push me to play more and listen to more music. The loops feed on themselves, but they also can feed in the other direction.
I've found the same pattern exists in teaching: when I teach a good lesson it opens further questions which lead to greater student engagement, which helps me move the lesson along, which makes me more likely to teach a good lesson. When I teach a bad lesson it interrupts the flow of the class which makes students more off task, which frustrates me, and which leads to me teaching a worse lesson. I've had plenty of good lessons and plenty of bad lessons this year, and I've felt both feedback loops happen in my classroom, sometimes even in the same day. 1st period can go well, then 2nd period can be a disaster. It is a very emotionally draining job, day after day.
My mentor teacher gave me some good advice: "We all have good days and bad days. As long as you are having more good days than bad days, you are doing alright." I think that's great advice, but it doesn't address what has been my experience for the majority of the year. What do you do with neutral or mixed feedback? I can't say that any of my days have been good all the way through, and I know that none of my days have been bad all the way through. There is always some frustration during a good day and there is always some positive moments during a bad day. What do you do when the feedback is neutral, or not there at all?
What has struck me this year is how little feedback new teachers actually get from outside observers. From the beginning of the year I've been given complete freedom in my classroom, and I've had very few people come and check up on me. The administration dropped in more frequently at the beginning of the year, but I received very little feedback to help me improve as a teacher. Most of the feedback I have is entirely from my own "sense" of how things went in the classroom. With 5 different classes and 4 preps, it is really hard for me to form any objective opinion of how things went because I just can't remember exactly how it all happened. So I just keep showing up day after day and trying to get these kids to learn some math and science. I try to give my best instruction and be the most supporting teacher I can, even though I have doubts about many of the things I am doing in my classroom.
I'd love it if people comment or ask questions! I'd like to hear what other people do when they don't get any feedback but have to keep showing up day after day. It seems like many people have similar experiences to mine and just keep working away. Thanks!
