Tomorrow is my 25th birthday, and the number 25 feels significant to me for some reason. I haven't thought much about my last few birthdays because who really cares about turning 23 or 24 anyway? Turning 23 and 24 was just marking the passage of time, and those birthdays felt somewhat arbitrary. While 25 is no less arbitrary, it feels a little more significant this time around because of the other events that have occurred recently.
When I was growing up, I had no idea what it was like to be someone in your mid 20's. I felt like I understood what my youth was for, and I felt like I could understand what adulthood would be like, but there was this huge blank space where I simply couldn't imagine life as a mid 20-something.
Elementary school was for exploring and having fun. Nobody had expectations for you in elementary school. Everyone just expected you to play and grow. Middle school was that weird time when everything became awkward and everyone was obsessed with "being cool." Middle school was when I started to care about girls, popular kids, and having my own "cool" personality. I knew that high school was a time for being involved in a bunch of activities, doing stupid stuff with your friends, playing sports, meeting girls, and getting into college. High school was preparation for living on your own and for going to college.
When I got to college I understood it as the best chance to learn as much as I could from some really brilliant people. I tried to take as much advantage of college as I could. I volunteered, I played sports, I took random classes, I studied abroad, and I learned a ton. I read some really interesting stuff, and I read some of the most dull pages I have ever laid eyes on. I found that I really do have a passion for teaching people, and I found that I never want to live at home again. I could barely stand being home for the summer after my freshman year, and I really do love my parents. After that first taste of freedom, I just can't stand to be under someone else's roof anymore.
My first confrontation with the unknown came after undergrad, before I made the decision to get my teaching degree. I graduated with only a small amount of loan debt, and I realized that I really could make any decision I wanted. I was, in a sense, free. However, I always knew that I would not stop with just a bachelor's degree. I knew that I would pursue some career that would require further training or education. My first confrontation with the unknown was not the same as now. I always had the comforting feeling of having a next step. I would go back to school, or I would pursue a professional career, and I would continue my ascent up the ladder to adulthood.
I still didn't have a clue what people actually did in their mid twenties. I understood that you simply got older, but I didn't feel like people in their mid twenties had a set place in the world - a role to play, or a specific job to do. I couldn't envision myself as a twenty-something, I didn't know what it would be like, and I didn't really have expectations for how it would be. After some soul searching I realized that teaching really was my passion and that going back to school for my teaching degree was really the one option that was perfect for me.
A year and a half later I am a teacher, and I am learning how to be a good teacher. What feels very weird to me is that I am now a teacher, and that I am not preparing to be a teacher. In some sense I am becoming a teacher while people all around me expect me to already be a teacher. I now have a responsibility and an obligation to these young people to be an adult and a role model. I have a purpose: to teach these young people to learn.
That shift in responsibility, obligation, and purpose is made all the more poignant by another huge life event this year: my marriage. I have told Cyd this before, but I was afraid to start dating her because I could never see our relationship ending. I knew that falling in love with her would be the last time I fell in love. That's a scary thought at 19 years old. Its a profound thought on the eve of being 25, but it isn't as scary anymore. I have a responsibility and an obligation to her which goes beyond the strength of our relationship when we were dating, or engaged.
My whole life has been preparation: college, graduate school, dating and engagement. Now I have become someone, and I feel this growing urge to be someone, or to do something. It doesn't feel like it is enough to simply be that guy who will be good in the future, I need to be that guy who is good in the present. What I feel, as I am about to turn 25, is the immediacy of the present.
And the weird thing is that I love that feeling. I am truly prepared, and I have had the greatest first quarter century that anyone could ask for. I welcome the responsibility to shape these young minds that I have been charged with, and I enjoy the challenge of building an adult life. (Fake it till you make it, right?) I just want to end by saying thank you to the hundreds of people who have had an impact on my young life. You have all made it such a wonderful ride so far.
Here's to the next 25 years!
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